My Animals Hang With the Animals

Today I took some time away with the fam for a trip to Cincinnati Zoo and Botanical Gardens. We had fun, aside from Evan complaining about his feet hurting after he insisted on wearing flip-flops. I'm glad I got this time with him, though. I have to work tonight at 23:00, and work twelves for the next 7 nights. By the time I am finished with this stretch, I will be back in class. He is going with his grandma this weekend to King's Island, along with John and his cousin Joanna, then making the trip back to Madisonville with her to spend the week at his grandpa's house. Summer is flying by. At least I got a little bit of time with him first.


By far my favorite pic of the entire trip. The goat kept trying to eat Evan's shirt, so Evan would giggle and step away, then try to pet it again. Each time, it would get a mouth full. It didn't tear the shirt, but it did give me a great photo op.
Too cute for words.
This damned thing. I was leaning over the glass, trying to get a good shot of the sea lion that was underwater playing with a ball. All of the sudden, this #$%^& popped it's head up at me, scaring me to death. Note that the camera was not zoomed for this pic!
Lucy wouldn't wake up for me and I was very disappointed. (See below.)
Awwww. Lucy the Baby Bearcat. Sponsored by the University of Cincinnati. Go figure.
The seductive ape. I kindly left the other one out of the pic, who was showing its hand in its mouth repeatedly. I had just said "What is it, bulimic?" when it purged its food into its hand to feed its baby. Disgusting.
This is "Francois". Some type of monkey that had Francois in it's name. It had a faux-hawk and white muttonchops, and was the coolest monkey ever.
I don't know what in the hell this thing was, but when we went to walk away, it made some weird crying sound until we came back.
The polar bear insisted on showing me nothing more than his browneye as he ate his lunch.
I think John was making funny faces behind me.
So peaceful here. I didn't want to leave this spot.
The big one and the little one take a break to eat popcorn.
I have this horrendous phobia of snakes. Just walking into the reptile house was a huge step in conquering my fear. And it was packed too. As I looked at the snakes through the glass, I was sizing people up to see how much effort it would take to knock them out of my way if I needed to make a break for it. Then I saw this S.O.B.....
Evan kept calling this rhinoceros "Clyde". I have no idea where he got that name.
Evan poses with the likeness of his father.
Is that the Fergie family? Mom, Dad, and Evan.....
The gorillas were pensive.
The bearcat would not be still for her photo shoot. I swear I stood there for about 15 minutes trying to get a good shot. No wonder UC thinks this is a good mascot....stubborn as hell!
I think I interrupted the sexy time of the "Giant Bait", as my hillbilly husband called them.
These lizards were looking at me.
The lemurs. This is when Evan screamed "Look, Mommy, it's Zoboomafoo!"

Refreshed

So how was the trip back to Madisonville? Short. I stopped on the way and splurged on something I have wanted for a while now: A Nikon Coolpix camera. I would never spend the money on one because I tend to lose and/or break digital cameras. I tend to stick with the cheap ones (under $100). But I have coveted this camera for a while, and now it is mine. I love it. The pics from this weekend were all taken with it. The blur of the shot above is because I was playing with different settings on it on the ride home from the boonies.
This was also the first trip we have taken in the new car. I must say it was much more comfortable. The 120 outlet in the console came in handy: I plugged in my laptop, stopped and bought Evan a few dvd's he has been wanting, gave the kid a set of headphones, and the rest is history. It was kind of like that infomercial with the rotisserie: Set it and forget it! He was entertained the whole way, and there were several points in the 4-hour trip where we thought he was asleep because the backseat was too quiet.
We managed to get time in with both John's mom and dad. The boys spent the day Saturday playing with water in the 85 degree weather. Grandma made a run to Walmart for a Slip-and-Slide and some Super Soakers, and I sat on a nice shaded country porch and studied while the boys had a blast. Saturday night was all about some good ol' country cookin'. John's mom made my fave: her fried chicken with homemade mashed potatoes and gravy, cornbread, fresh corn-on-the-cob. For dessert.....homemade banana pudding, baked with the meringue on top like I had never seen done until I maried into this family.

Sunday morning, we met John's dad and his girlfriend Annie for breakfast, then followed him to his house. This is when the redneck came out of my husband and he spent hours fishing for catfish in his dad's pond. Evan got to drive the 1969 model Harley Davidson golf cart with his grandpa helping him, then the guys all loaded onto quads and the cart and chased each other at high speeds around the property. I got the brilliant idea of perching in the sun and studying while they had fun. Bad idea. See the pics in the post entitled "A Weekend in Pictures" to get a glimpse of the sunburn from Hell. To break of the monotony of studying plant diversity and evolution of land plants, John would get me onto the quad and take me zooming around the property. I screamed in his ear everytime he turned to sharply or went up or down steep hills, making me feel as if I were going to fall off of the back. It was just simple fun, but for that brief amount of time, we were just John and Andrea again. The country boy showing the city girl how to unwind, throw caution to the wind, and have fun. At that point, there was no such thing as bills or parenthood, pre-med or code blue, MCAT or 80-hour workweeks. I needed that, and more importantly, without my saying a single word, John knew I needed that.
The ride home Sunday night seemed to go on forever. We stopped at about the midway point, and I picked up some cd's I have been wanting for a little while, and we jammed the entire second half of the trip. I finally realized just how red I had gotten in the sun (it got worse as the night went on) when we stopped at Walmart to get me some aloe gel for my first official sunburn of the year, and other shoppers were stopping and staring at me with mouths agape.

Now I am back home. The plan is to get my finals done. I finished Bio this morning, have another exam this afternoon, and a paper to write. I have three more days off of work, which I am going to spend giving the house a nice and thorough cleaning, and studying ahead a bit for my summer physics course, which is sure to be a nightmare if the textbook is any indication.

Knee-Deep

It is brutal around my parts today.

Every community, every town, every county is under a Snow Emergency of some level. We have a Level 2, which translates to only being on the roads if you absolutely have to be. I am sitting here in my office and can here the ice hitting the roof as it falls from the sky. Everything, from cars to trees to sidewalks, is encased in ice.

Evan hasn't had school for 2 days now. UC closed yesterday evening. My chemistry course was still on, but I couldn't make it. I had a biology exam scheduled for this evening, and it is no longer now. I have a chemistry exam at 11 AM tomorrow, and I am starting to wonder if that will be cancelled as well.

Yesterday was sort of nice. We were all snowed in, and we just hung out at the house together. I woke up and took a shower only to put on clean sweats a veg around the house. Actually, I'm not sure I would call it vegging. I got some heavy-duty biology work done. Today? Well, after I tinker around a bit, today shall be all about chemistry. I have a 3-hour online lab to complete, and then there is the exam that is supposed to be tomorrow. I am wondering if it will be cancelled, but must plan for it still going on.

Evan is driving me a little crazy at this point. He is tormenting Pixie and making a general mess all over the house. I really feel like I should do some cleaning. John is a complete crab. He and Evan are in the living right now, arguing about the whereabouts of the cable remote. But in my office, it is peaceful and quiet. Maybe I should just hibernate in here all day and forget the world.

The Handprints They Leave

My boys, that is. Let me explain. I firmly believe that the people that come and go from our lives leave evidence that they were there in their wake. Some leave us smiling, and some leave us crying. Some stay longer than others. We are born alone, and we surround ourselves with others throughout our life, and we cannot take them with us when we go.

As I flit around from class to class, campus to campus, to work and to home and back again, the evidence my John and Evan leave behind is hard to miss. I spent the largest part of my day infuriated yesterday. You see, I stopped at a carwash to clean the salt grime that winter driving leaves on a car. And I thought to myself, "Self, why don't you vacuum it out while you're here. It will save you the hassle of tangled extension cords and a cumbersome Kirby being dragged to the curb at home." So I did. And for the first time, in the glaring light of day, I actually looked at my car. (Since John's car died a while back, he has mainly been driving my car and chaufferring me to the places I need to go.) What I found pissed me off beyond belief. Scuffs from gym shoes on the backs of the seats. French fries under the floor mats in the backseat. Dirt everywhere. What was supposed to be a quick stop turned into a 2-hour cleaning frenzy. Let me remind you that this car was brand spanking new in September. A 2009. The first new car I have ever purchased for myself. I was livid, and the boys got quite the lecture about respecting the things we own. I even broke down $20,000 to Evan in his terms, explaing that I could buy x amount of Webkinz for the price of the car, thinking maybe he would realize just how expensive automobiles are, and would respect the car a little more.

So I go back to class, and am a little early. I whip out my MP3 player from my backpack and am going to listen to some tunage while I am reviewing my notes for our quiz in biology. No music. What???? Why does it not work? The battery is charged, but it keeps trying to reboot itself. I try to remember the last time I used it. Or the last time it was used, period. And I flashback to a vision of little Evan wearing it and be-bopping around the house with it. He has his own, but mine has more memory, and thus more songs. Now I need a new MP3 player.

There is evidence all over the place that the boys are here. A discarded pile of school uniforms in the laundry room, holes in the knees of the pants or stains on the shirts (Pant: $45/pair, Shirts: $25/ each). Piles of shoes that are not outgrown, but simply worn out because they don't treat them well (I don't buy them the cheapies, either). Dirty dishes piled on the counter. Litlle pastel colored Post-It's all over my desk because the little one thinks they are "make-your-own" stickers. Money missing from my purse because someone, at some time, removed it for something they needed. It would seem that my boys don't leave handprints. They leave a path of destruction.

But wait...

This is the same little boy who came up to me early this morning and hugged my neck, telling me how I am the best Mommy he has ever had (LOL!). The one who gives me sloppy kisses on the cheek and presents to me Crayola masterpieces and macaroni sculptures, that I accept with such glee that you would be convinced that they are from Van Gogh. The one whose rendition of "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star" would have given Beethoven a run for his money.

This is the man who looks deep into my eyes and tells me how convinced he is that I can do this when I am doubting myself the most. The one who kept his hand on my leg and wore lead the entire time I was getting head scans done for a brain tumor, just to assure me that he was there, that he was not leaving me. The one who cried with me when the doctors told me to consider aborting our child who was sure to be too premature to survive.

My life with these boys is messy. And expensive.That's a definite. Yes, they leave paths of destruction through it all. I wouldn't trade any of it for the world, truth be told. These are all such small prices for the joy they can bring to my life.

Working on a Decade

Yes, I know this is a terrible pic of me, but when we are working at being parents, one of us is always behind the camera, and thus this is a rare shot of us together.

8 Years Together. For the couple who married exactly 3 months after they met. For the ones who were completely insane. For the couple who was "not going to make it".

So this is John. He is my best friend. The love of my life. The one who can make me laugh in spite of myself and everything else that has gone on in my life. The one who supports my dreams and my goals and ambitions like no other. The one who understands me at times when it seems like no one else in the world is able to. He is the one who made me believe in marriage in a world full of couples who just cannot make it. My partner in this fine mess we call life. He is my angel, my hero, by biggest weakness. He is the only one in my life with the power to get under my skin and infuriate me within seconds, then turn around and make me feel so loved and supported and enamored at the snap of a finger. To date, he has been the only one who could take the tough-talking, no-nonsense city girl and turn her into the one who wants to abandon everything and get married, have a child, be a family. Later, he was the one to show me that despite what others say, I actually can have everything I want in life: the child, the marriage, the career, the education. He is still the only one.

This morning, he met me after work in the hospital cafeteria in an effort to have breakfast together before I went to bed for the day. He was sitting in the cafeteria, alone at a table, watching for me to come through the door. I came through the entrance on the other side, and could not see him. I turned the corner, and saw him sitting there quietly, waiting for me. In that instant that I saw him there, my heart skipped a beat. In the instant that followed, I was in awe that the sight of him can still have that effect on me after all of these years. And in that small moment, after a stressful night working the ICUs, I was home. I was safe, and nothing could touch me.

Now, as I pause at the keyboard, I am having trouble coming up with the words to express what I want to say. For the first time in my life, I am speechless. As the yaers have passed, we have changed. Both of us. But when I look at him, I still see the cute guy with the nice butt walking through the Party Source while our friend Dawn said "That's him. That's my friend John I want you to meet." He is still the sweet guy who made the trip home after meeting me, in the rain on a motorcycle. The one who stopped under a bridge to call me halfway through the trip to let me know that it would take him longer to get home than planned and to not worry when he didn't call. He is still the one who made me laugh with his cute southern accent (the years have caused it to fade for my ears because I am so used to it.) He is the only one who could get me on a ATV, riding on the back, laughing madly and completely trusting him to keep me safe. He is still the lovable dork who, when dressing to go into the OR when I had Evan, actually wore orange and blue polka dotted boxers beneath the pale blue scrubs. I can still hear the nurses' giggles. Can still hear him shouting "That's my BOY!" when we found out Evan's gender, despite the fact that he had told me he wanted a girl because I did. Or him shouting "That's my wife!" when I graduated from college and walked across the stage.

It's really strange. I cannot define the past eight years with a concise list of events. Our time together is more a tapestry of little moments. Happy, sad, beautiful, messy moments.

Which One?

I have decided that somewhere, amidst all of the madness, that the family needs a vacation. I need a vacation! John and I have been wanting to renew our vowels on one of our milestone anniversaries, since we pretty much eloped years ago and never had the romantic ceremony. I was going to have my dream wedding for the vowel renewal in a couple of years. But recently, I have been toying with the idea of going to one of the all-inclusive Caribbean resorts, just the two of us, for a little romantic getaway.
But then I did the dreaded thing: I checked on Disney rates. No, I do not want Mickey to be our officiant. But little Evan has never been to Disney, and the child wants to go so badly that he has even tried to register for flights online. (Thank God he does not know about my debit card, or the flights would be more of a reality!)
So I discover that for almost the same exact price, all three of us could take off to Orlando for some Disney fun. The price was only like $4K and included airfare, lodging, six days of park admission, car rental, and 3 meals plus 2 snacks a day for everyone. Basically I would have to take about $1K for spending, and that would be the only other expense. A romantic trip for John and I, to a Jamaican resort for 5 nights/ 6 days will run me about $8K if I do not skimp on the room I want. I could save about $3K here, but I want to be in luxury, not just so-so accomodations.
So I am sitting here and pondering the decision. I'm a Mom. 10 bucks says I end up choosing Disney.

That Time of Year

Christmas is just a matter of a couple of weeks away now. Most people think of snow and presents and religious figures. I think of John.

Christmas Eve will be our 8-year Anniversary. I cannot recall, other than the night we were actually married, in 2000, a single time when we have celebrated this occasion. We are always too busy playing Santa for Evan, who was born nine months after we married. Our acknowledgment of this day is always a quick kiss and a "Happy Anniversary". Christmas for a child is a magical time, even more so for the parents who love them so dearly, and we have always been too wrapped up in that to take away from it by celebrating anything else. But it does not mean that I do not think about it, about how special it is.

The other night, a colleague of mine asked me about John. They know of his struggles to find work but that is all. She asked me if I was truly in love with him. This got the gears in my head turning. I don't have to think about the answer to that. I am as in love with this man now as I was the day I married him. But for her to ask that question now, of all of the times out of the year, when my mind is raw with thoughts of John...

I did not know everything about my John when we married. I only knew that I loved him and wanted to be with him after only three months together. I have always considered us an exception to some rule about marriage: the ones who married quickly. There was a time where I wondered if we married too quickly. I have always stopped myself with the reminder that no amount of dating could teach you everything about a person. There are just some things you have to learn the hard way, by living day in and day out at someone's side. This has been the case with us.

Does John have his flaws? Absolutely, as do I. But John has some amazing qualities that go unmentioned, or not mentioned enough. One of my imperfections as a wife is that I get so caught up with my work, responsibilities, being a Mom, and my education and goals that I fail to remind him enough of what he means to me. What are some of those qualities? He can have days where he is completely selfless. He has the biggest heart of anyone I know. He is a great father to our son. He's smart and capable, and tough as nails. He is always there for me.

Did you know that each and everyday I return home from work, and my feet feel like they are breaking, he will sit and massage my feet until I fall asleep. If I am thirsty, I say so and he brings me something to drink without my even asking. If I am cold, I say the word and I am wrapped in a blanket. Right now, if I wanted to, I could go nudge him from his sleep and tell him I can't sleep, and he would stay awake for as long as it took, playing with my hair until I dozed off. Nowadays, this is worth more than diamonds and flowers and romantic getaways. He takes care of me more than even I realize.

Yes, I am in love with John. He and Evan make up my whole world. I don't need my career or my education, or anything else, in sight of losing either of them. I would give up everything for them, for him. The beauty of our life together is that I don't have to. He is my partner, so that my success is really our success.

I am a proud, headstrong person. I like to think I am tough and independent, but the truth is that I am not. I honestly do not think I could do any of what I do without John. It is not widely known, but John is the reason I have my career today, the reason I am able to approach my whole dream of becoming a doctor. Several years ago, he was in school and I was not. He was having some trouble, and asked me to go with him to meet the Dean of Academic Affairs. I went along, only to find out that he was meeting with her to talk to her about getting me back in college after surrendering my higher education almost a decade earlier when my mother died. I had always wanted to, and didn't think I could. John took me around, from the Dean's office, to the admissions office, and more. I left that day enrolled in courses that started 2 weeks from that date. After his help in making that first step, I realized that my dream of being a physician never really left me. I have been at it ever since. And when I was recognized at commencement, when getting my degree in respiratory therapy, it was his voice I heard cheering for me the loudest. When I was scared to death of my credentialing exams, he waited for me outside of the testing center, in the car, in 100 degree heat, until I was finished and had the piece of paper in my hand saying I had passed each and every exam. I honestly could not imagine finishing pre-med or Med School without seeing his face.

I am so blessed to get to spend my time here on Earth with a man who loves me. I get to laugh and cry and cheer with him over life's moments each and every day. I get to see him change, to evolve as a person. With each passing Christmas season, though we do not celebrate it, I can bask in the knowledge that we are closer as a couple, that we have managed another year together in a time when marriage is disposable. That is enough for me.

Show Me Your "Sexy"

John was washing the car and I had the camera out and told him to give me a pose. This is what he came up with.

I Love My Husband: Number 4

This commercial plays on the television, and it does not matter what John is in the process of doing. He could be cleaning, eating, watching a show, playing with Evan, and he will still drop what he is doing, jump up and do a little dance. But his version is not G-rated. He cracks me up on a daily basis.

A Daily Dose of Oorah

John will start barking when he sees this, but I thought it was a beautiful commercial, and just had to share.

"We Weren't Crazy"

When John and I got married, everyone said we were crazy, that it would not last. Well I love this song, and wanted to play with Windows Movie Maker, and here are the results.

Weary.

This is just a snapshot of John that I took last night. He had just gotten home from work, and was dirty and sweaty. You can see the weariness in his eyes, and it makes me sad. I want more than anything to be able to give him a wonderful life, and I am so afraid I will not be able to. We have a very tough road ahead of us, with medical school looming in my future. I have tried to tell him it will not be easy. I think he knows as much, but will not let on that he does. As cheesy and corny as it sounds, you can endure anything when you love someone enough. He says when I am finished, he wants to become a professional fisherman. I just hope he can. He will deserve to do nothing but float on a lake somewhere in peace.

I Love My Husband No. 3

Since I am procrastinating on the packing a bit more, and I have that sentimental mood going, I thought I should take a minute to tell you about my John.
John and I met, and within one weekend, I was falling in love with him. He has a heart unlike any other. He made me laugh at a time I did not think possible to do so. And those eyes. He has eyes that smile when he does.
So what happened? You know we were eventually married. But I don't think either of us expected us to be engaged within a month of meeting. We surprised everyone yet again when we decided to just do it. We got married 3 months after we met. Could we have possibly known everything about each other in that short a time frame? No, absolutely not. But I knew enough to know that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this man. We were married in front of his mother's Christmas tree on Christmas Eve, 2000.
We are not the perfect couple. This man can get under my skin in a way noone else can. But noone else gets me like he does. Noone else makes me laugh as loud, cry as hard, live as much. But regardless of what comes our way and how difficult life gets, we both know that we are stronger together than either of us could be apart. I honestly cannot picture life without him by my side.

I Love My Husband No. 2

Never, not once, has he left or entered the house without giving me a kiss and telling me he loves me. Never! This is so much of a habit that it has rubbed off on Evan and Evan does the same thing. There is nothing like starting your day like that.

I Am Not the Maid...

But I sure feel like one right about now. There is laundry in one enormous pile in the kitchen. There are dishes piled in the sink. There is general filth spread all over the house, and how sad is it that I can only motivate myself to focus only on the areas which are highly visible?

Why is there a collection of shoes by the front door? Do we not all have closets in this house? Why is the laundry I have had done for days still stacked/ hung in the laundry room?

What did my husband do all weekend while I was working my arse off?

I swear John is gonna get it when he gets home!

I Love my Husband No. 1

I love my husband because all I have to say is that "I am craving chocolate." and he brings me ice cream covered in chocolate sauce. When I try to protest, explaining about my diet and training, he tells me it is okay, that just this once, I can splurge.

Evan's First Night Without Daddy

Last night, as a van pulled away with my husband in it, I was more concerned with how I was going to handle it than I was my son's reaction. Evan is a very resilient little boy, adn most of the time, if one does not make a fuss over the issue, he may not even notice something is amiss.
Yesterday was no exception for my baby boy. I allowed him to play outside until 2100, as those lovely summer nights equate to no nightfall until well after bedtime.
He waved goodbye to Daddy and continued to play. No problem.
But then bedtime hit. Teeth were brushed, jammies were donned, and the boy was tucked in.
But then I heard the little footsteps padding down the stairs. Big, fat tears rolling down his little angel face. "Mommy, my Daddy's not here! You have to read me two stories since he isn't here!" His tiny fists held out two story books, and so we read. The tears continued. "Mommy, I can't give Daddy a hug and kiss goodnight!" I offered him a picture frame with a small snapshot of John in it, but this simply would not do. So I zoomed in on a picture of John's face I had saved on the computer, to where it appeared almost life-sized. Evan kissed his Daddy on the screen, but insisted he take the smaller framed picture to bed with him.
But then it was "Mommy, I want to sleep in something that reminds me of Daddy." I dug through a basket of clean laundry to offer up a tee for my baby to sleep in, but no. It had to smell like Daddy. So hand-in-hand, Evan and I traipsed up the stairs to locate John's cologne so Evan could smell Daddy while he drifted off to sleep.
Before I knew it, all was silent, and I was alone with my thoughts. I missed him.

He isn't .....

...At MEPS. He called his recruiter yesterday and asked when he was going to be picked up to go, and the recruiter said that there was some sort of problem with paperwork and he wouldn't be going until tonight. So here we go again.

Laziness= Me

Blee-blee-Do-da Blah-blah-blah......
Guess what? I have done nothing today other than the crying jag just completed about 2 minutes ago. I am not even cooking dinner, as our neighbors have decided that tonight is a communal taco night. So when they get home from their daughter's soccer practice, I am going to be consuming other people's food.

I have not cleaned.

I have not done laundry.

I can't even remember if I brushed my hair, though I distinctly remember taking a shower and pulling it back.

My husband is leaving tomorrow. He may come back as a committed US Soldier.

So I could not care less if the laundry is done.

Or the house is clean.

All I care about at this point in time is absorbing all of John that I can while he is here by my side. While I can still hear him breathe as we fall asleep together at night. While I can still feel his strong arm's around me and the beat of his heart while we cuddle up to a movie. I feel like my breath is being taken from me. The mundane details will have to wait.

0300?

I was awakened by two different things this morning, both of which are extremely aggravating.

The first was this awful dream I had about John and the military. He had reenlisted, gone through the Warrior Transition Course, as planned, and was almost finished with AIT when he called me and said he had gotten orders to ship to Afghanistan. So I was going to have to go without seeing him for two whole years.
But then I hear this shrill screaming outside our apartment. It was 0230 on a school night! I was worried it would wake Evan. It didn't seem to be a "help me" sort of scream, but rather a we-are-morons variety of scream. I waited for it to stop, and when it did not, I went outside to check. This may have been a mistake, seeing as I am blind as a bat when it is not dark or in the middle of the night when I am half asleep. But then I stumble my groggy arse out without glasses. I think I cussed out someone I did not know. I still have no idea who it was. I hope it was not a neighbor I am friendly with. I guess I won't be anymore if it was.

So now I am sitting here, fully awake. I have been since 0300. It is now 0542, and I have already brewed coffee, had a cup and getting ready to fill 'er up a second time. I have managed to eat breakfast ( mmmmmm, Cheerios) and get my morning supply of nicotine. Lets' start the day!