I'm a Double Major in Moleculr Biology and Biomechanics On a Pre-Med Track

Mouthful, isn't it?

I have one more day off, then back to class I go. Kinda excited, kinda nervous. Calculus has never been my thing, but it has to become so this quarter. I dropped that physics course and 3rd chem course due to my illness over the summer, and they are prerequisites to all of my fall classes. Most professors are forgiving, and are letting me slide. Except for my Genetics professor. She isn't very favorable to my staying in her course, but if one of my advisors has anything to do with it, I will remain in the course. (Yes, I said one of my advisors, as in I have 3: one for biomechanics, one for molecular biology, and one pre-professinal advisor who is going to help me get into med school. As if things weren't confusing enough...)

My feelings of "I am really doing this?" have turned into "Am I really going to do this?" The idea that I am on the track to accomplishing everything I have ever wanted in my life is so surreal. I envision myself graduating medical school, of reciting the Hippocratic Oath, of doing it, and in the back of my mind are these doubts that it will really happen. I've always been Andrea, the girl at the top of her game. But I haven't really been competing, thus far, with a slew of others at the top of their games as well. Is my "top" good enough to compete with theirs?

I've made up my short list of where I am going to apply. I should be starting that process later this year. So here it goes:

Universty of Michigan
Ohio State University
University of Kentucky
University of Louisville
University of Cincinnati
Indiana University
Wright State University
Vanderbilt University

Hopefully one will bite.

Physics

My summer, as I know it, is ruined.

Flip-Flop Weather and a Dreaded Trip

I love this weather. It is 90 degrees out there. Perfect flip-flop weather, and don't think I haven't been rocking the plastic and rubber shoes everywhere I go. I have this massive laundry basket full of them, stuffed in the back corner of the closet, and I have been dying to pull them out.

What else is going on in my world?
School is winding down. Next week is finals week, which I am not exactly excited over. But after burning the candle at both ends for some time now, I finally took a few days off of work. Keeping in mind that I am only obligated to 3 twelves a week, my cashing in some paid-time-off managed to get me off of work for almost 2 weeks. It still isn't a massive vacay. I still have this week left of class, then come back Monday and Tuesday of next week for those dreaded exams. All I know is that for the next 2 weeks, I do not have to do both school and work. Following that, I am off of school for 2 and a half weeks while we switch from Spring to Summer quarters, so then I will only have to do work and not school. Count 'em up! 4 1/2 weeks of one and not the other!

I can honestly say I need the break. For the past month, I have been working all night, then going straight to class the following morning, doing class all day then going straight into work all night. Then I---- you guessed it----head back to campus for a day of class. Finally on the third night, I get a little shut-eye. This is no exaggeration. This is my life. I was actually discussing this with one of the residents at work. He was commenting on my level of tiredness, knowing full well that I intend on heading to med school in a year or so, and said "Just wait until you get into med school!" When I told him I wasn't scared of a med school schedule and explained what I have been doing, his reply was this: "You are INSANE!"

Maybe so. Or maybe it is just determination. More and more people are rallying behind me. To them, I am the one who will make it to the other side. The politics of healthcare dictate that we are the grunts and doctors are the privileged. While I am in no way the poster child, to them I represent the notion that those of us without MD behind our name are still capable individuals. They can say, "Look! She was one of us and she was smart enough to become a doctor, so we can be too." This by no means represents everyone. I still encounter some crap-dishing from some coworkers who think my efforts are directed at proving I am better than they are. The fact that I want more out of my life is a personal assault on their choice of career. Of course this couldn't be farther from the truth. But for the most part, I pass people in the hall, and they will ask me how school is going. When I tell them it is going well, the statement is met with a pat on the back and a hearty "You Go, Girl!".

Part of the plan for my time off is to take John and Evan down to southern Kentucky to visit his family. I am a little nervous about going back there. I am not met by the same resistance I used to face. I've been around for the better part of a decade, and they have realized I am here to stay. But the time we spent living down there is now what I realize to be a different chapter of my life. A chapter full of welfare and stereotypes and North vs. South. I wasn't docile enough. To them, I was the Yankee wife John brought home, the one with the smart mouth who didn't realize a woman's place. While I never played along, I wasn't as out-there with my intentions of higher education and my drive for a career. Now, John and I have returned to my turf where I have adjusted to being myself again. Here, there is nothing wrong with a woman seeking achievement. But to make matters worse, John's sister is having a baby shower, full of church women, and I know it will provoke the inevitable questions about our intent for our family. To them, it will incomprehensible that I want to forgo having other children in order to pursue my education, that I focus on my career instead of perfecting my recipe for the perfect fried chicken. They will never understand that one child, my perfect little Evan, is more than I could ever want, and now that he is in grade school, it is time for me. They will look at me as if I have two heads, and whisper amongst themselves of the brazen woman who thinks she can have it all.

And John. They will, as always, compare John to his brother-in-law. The greatest thing one can aspire to be is an employee at the local electric company. It is not that there is anything wrong with the job.More like what is wrong with John that he wants to skip out on punching a clock in order to support his wife's ambitions? What kind of failure allows his wife to be the breadwinner? We deal with it everytime, and I know they mean well, but I cannot tolerate anyone criticizing my husband because he is helping me to realize my dream.

But nevertheless, we are going. And rude or not, I am taking my study materials and will have my nose in books the entire time. This will evoke the dreaded question: Didn't you already finish one degree? And I will tell them that I am back in school to be a doctor. God help me.

Anyhow...I am wasting too much time here on a computer. It is now time to take the kiddo out and let him get some sunshine while I study with my flip-flopped feet propped up, complete with the hot-pink polish on my toes that I whipped out especially for flip-flop season.

Whatever

Hate My Life @ Yahoo! Video

Ummmm. Do you notice a trend? I post videos when I am too busy to write or when I have nothing to say.

Yesterday, at the gas station, as I was walking in to pay for my gas, some guy asked me if I would give him money for cigarettes. Not food. Not gas. Cigarettes! Beggars have gotten ballsy!

In the meantime, finals week is rapidly approaching, and because of the $1K electric bill, I have been working weeknights in addition to my weekend shifts. I don't think the black circles will disappear from under my eyes any time soon. I have literally been going about 48 hours between chances for even a little sleep. Go to school all day, then head straight into work, then get finished with work and go straight to school. I'm exhausted. And everyone says "Just wait until med school!" Seriously? By then, I will not be working 70-80 hours per week in addition to a full-time class schedule. I do not plan to do this to myself then. So med school? Not scared.

2011

After a long overdue meeting with my advisor, it appears that this will be the year that I enter medical school, if all goes as planned. I am a little bummed that it is not going to be 2010. I have to keep reminding myself that, while I am a senior, I have only been in college for 2 years, then transferred. I am actually right on track with the pre-med issue. It is just that I completed a senior-level's worth of courses in two years. And (phew!) I can postpone my MCAT until next spring.
Next fall is going to be brutal. I start my Biochemistry sequence ( 1, 2, 3), my Organic Chemistry series (1, 2, 3), and my final math for all time, Calculus series ( Calc 1, 2, and 3). Somewhere along the way, I need another lit course, and another phiolsophy course (planning for "Ethics and Medicine", even though I have had a Bioethics course). In spring of 2010, it is all about my MCAT and applying to med schools. Somewhere in this journey, I need to move across the river so I am more likely to get an in-state seat at UC COM. (And a $60K discount on medical school.)

Everything I have planned, worked for, dreamed of is laid out right before my eyes. For the first time, I am starting to believe I am really going to do this. My dream is coming true.

On a separate note, Evan is dying to see the new Hannah Montana movie. He's got the soundtrack, and forces us to listen to it in the car. Instead of being irritated, I heard this song and cried.

Miley Cyrus - The Climb (Rockamerica) @ Yahoo! Video

School Days, Schoooooool Days.....

oh screw it! I don't know the rest of the words!

I am procrastinating. I have to do the following:

Chem Lab Report
Study for Bio Exam
Study for Chem Exam
Study for History Exam
Study for Bio Lab Practical
Prepare for this week's Chem Lab (We have an exam over required reading before each lab.)
Prepare for Bio Lab (Same as above)

I have not slept since 2 PM on Sunday. Somewhere in this mess, I must close my eyes. I need to motivate myself.

This is my reminder of why I am insistent on putting myself through this torture:

What a Day!

Today was B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L outside. I actually sat outside with my pile of textbooks, wearing a tee and some hot pink flip-flops and got a large volume of reading done for class. Time came for Evan to be picked up from school, so John went to get him, and he immediately changed into shorts a tee himself upon his arrival home. I'm sure the two of us made quite the picture: mother and son on the porch together in the sunshine, both working on homework. Chemistry for me and math for him.
I still have huge volumes to get accomplished before next week, which is really going to be a pain considering tomorrow marks the beginning of my work week. Plus I have bio and chem lectures tomorrow afternoon. I swear this quarter is going to kill me.

On a completely separate, unrelated note, I watched the ER farewell episode tonight and cried. I was excited to see that they brought back the original music for the opening credits. I loved that. They switched it at some point and it was never the same after. Of course John teased me for crying, but I started watching that show from the very first episode. In a cheesy way, it confirmed to the young me that yes, I did truly want to be a doctor. It seems almost surreal that all of these later, I am working on becoming one and the show ends. Hmmm.

Okay, back to work. Or to sleep. It started raining tonight and the sound of it hitting the roof is just what I need to doze off in the middle of a chem problem.

Done.

Finals are, that is. I got A's on everything except chemistry, which I don't know about yet, as he still hasn't posted the grades. He has this complicated grading policy, where you choose up to so many points of homework and quizzes. These count as your grade for those, so you get to choose the highest ones to count. IF you perform better on the final, he also has this grade replacement policy. This means that instead of my final being worth 300 points, it becomes worth 500, and my other two exams are no longer worth 200, but will then be worth 100 each.

I am hoping I did well on the final, because then my chemistry grade will be an A as well, and I am off to the next level in about a week and a half. I am such a geek that I am ready to buy my books and throw myself into studying. Of course this is more about necessity than it is about my love of the subjects. I enrolled in 18 credit hours this next semester. That plus work is not a pretty picture. Organization and studying in advance is required to keep it all from falling in on me.

I Did it Again

Our chem professor was pacing back and forth in front of the classroom in front of the 16 of us that are remaining in the course at the end of the quarter. We are approaching final exams, have not yet been given our last exam grades or report grades. (Keep in mind that this was a course so jammed full of bodies at the beginning of the quarter that I had to beg for a seat.) He was speaking of how he will be computing our final grades so we would know, after being handed back our graded exams, if we would need to drop or not. He was saying how the trend is usually that he sees students bring up their final grade within one letter grade of the score they received on their first exam. He said he has never seen a student pull themselves up 3 whole letter grades by the end of the quarter, except for one. "And she is sitting in this room", he said.

I do not know how I did it, when there is no extra credit or curves or any other little nudges, but I managed to get an A in chemistry, so long as I keep my final exam grade above a 60%. I am so glad I did not give up.

On Land and On Sea

Chem Meltdown

I benignly and passively waited until lecture was over yesterday, sitting in my seat and waiting until the line of students waiting to ask questions had dissipated. My professor saw me sitting in my seat, apparently looking distraught, and came over to me, asking what was wrong. I simply told him I needed to make an appointment to speak with him in detail about my performance and future in his course, preferably before March 3rd, as this was the last day to drop the course without a grade. He literally looked confused and baffled and any other synonymous word to add to puzzlement. He asked what is wrong.

I spilled it.

That I am a straight-A student with an existing degree. That I have already aced this chemistry course before but because I am a transfer science major, UC guidelines state I must retake it. That I am always the curve-breaker. That I cannot seem to crack the homework software or the exams. That if I drop his course, I am dropping from UC altogether. That I am a registered respiratory therapist, and thus already have a great job that is stable in this horrid economy, and how there could be worse things than not becoming a doctor. I started to tear up a bit with this last statement. I know, after talking with the residents at work, with other med school applicants, with my professors, and more, that I will get into medical school so long as I can keep my GPA intact. That I realize the course is difficult and is considered one of the hurdles pre-med students need to overcome to get through undergrad. That the class is well-known for its "weeding-out" tendencies. I want to be a doctor more than I have wanted anything in my life. When I squint my eyes and try to see in the distant future, I cannot see myself doing anything else. I do not want to drop out, but I am not willing to let all of my work go down the drain (i.e. my GPA).

Just 5 minutes before, I witnessed a classmate hand him a drop slip, anfd heard him say, "It just isn't working out for you, is it?" Then he signed the slip.

He most definitely didn't do this with me. Instead, he wanted to know what was going on, why I was having this trouble. I told him very tactfully, but candidly, everything I was thinking. The homework software that is so finicky about the answers. The exam that psyched me out because it was worded completely different than either the lectures or the text. I spoke of how I could not blame my work schedule, as I am off during the week. That I cannot blame the whole this-just-doesn't-click-with-everyone issue, because I comprehend the lectures very well. I even told him how some of the students in the class have taken issue with how he lectures, but that I actually like the way he lectures: he doesn't simply regurgitate the text or the PowerPoints, but actually speaks on the topics and makes us think and participate by the questions he asks. That most of the class is having the same problem I am, but that, quitesimply, I do not care about the rest of the class. I care about my performance. He seemed surprised that no one else has come forward. I was shocked to hear that, as all of the students grumble about this class.

We talked for over 45 minutes. He offered many tips and suggestions. I tried some of them out last night, and actually got an A on the homework because of it. As a result, I am continuing in the class, and in my education overall. I have a new resolve. I have exactly 3 weeks to bring up my grade. The first opportunity is an exam tomorrow.

Now you know what I will be doing all day and night.

Hope and Frustration are the Words of the Day

W.I.S.E.= Women in Science and Engineering. This is a program UC has that allows undergraduate uperclassmen females to gain research experience in the form of a 12-week research position over the summer, assisting with one of the numerous projects the university has going on at any given time. I'm a woman. I'm in science. I am senior molecular bio major. I threw my hat in the ring for this. I was turned down because I have a job. Seriously. Despite the fact that I work my full-time obligations over the weekend and am free around the clock Monday through Friday, I am not permitted to have outside employment for the internship. And while there is nothing wrong with any honest job these days, I had to explain to them that this was not a "job" as in minimum wage at McDonald's for gas money while in college. I have a career that supports an entire family. The director wasn't hearing any of it, and actually made some snippy comments about how I manage upperclassman level work while having a "career". That my grades must reflect it. This was my opportunity to say, "Actually, I have a 4.0 GPA, and that is not all. I am married with a child as well." Translation: I can manage my time, and nothing falls by the wayside in the process. Her response? "Well, we all have a lot to learn from your example." Yes, despite your Ph.D. overshadowing my attempts to gain entry into medical school, you do.

Later that night, I went to my biology lecture. My professor there is like a rock star in my eyes. 28 years old and has a PhD in molecular biology. I was talking with her about the "no work" guideline before class as we waited for the rest of the class to arrive. This is when she told me that, if I am just looking for a research internship and not an actual paid job, she is sure her boss would love to have me. She is going to reccomend me for an internship there. Where is there? Hahaha. University of Cincinnati College of...........Medicine. Yep, that's right. So when I finally complete the application for med school at UC, I could actually put this internship with them under the "Experience" category. Sweet.

As for the rest of my education....We are 3 weeks from the end of the quarter. Wow that went fast! I was wondering why my course load seemed to be taking so much work. I mean, yes, I do work full time now, which is a new factor in this. When I was taking 24 credit hours a semester, I was busy, but it never seemes this overwhelming. Well, I thought about it. Does me working on the weekends have that much of an impact? The answer to that is yes. Those are three full days that I could have to study if I didn't spend them working. Unfortunately, work is not optional. But is I am used to managing 24 credit hours, then 13 should not be that hard during the week. The answer to this problem: the quarter system. I was foolish to think that the courses would compensate for the lack of time. I was thinking that UC would be easier because of the quarter system. After all, you have more chances to earn the same amount of credit hours as a semster would provide, but you get three quarters instead of one semester. Ha! I was wrong.

The courses cover the same amount of material a semester-long course would, but in about 8 weeks less. They move fast, and if you fall behind in one little aspect of any class, you are lost for good.

So here I am, three weeks from the end of my first quarter back to school. My grades are intact, and I am passing everything. I am sure I am going to get an A in biology and it's lab. I think I will get an A in my chem lab as well. My chemistry course may be a B. I asked my prof yesterday if it was still possible for me to pull out with an A, and he said absolutely yes, I could. But he looked me straight in the eye and said that I needed to allow myself more time. He says I know the stuff, and the nights before the last two exams, he doesn't want me to look at the book at all. That all of the mistakes I made on the last exam were silly ones to questions he knew I knew how to answer. He's right. When I went to do my self assessment on the exam to recover the points I lost, and I had to provide the correct answer, there was only one question for which I had to physically look up the answer. For the rest, I was able to just provide the correct answer from the knowledge I already have. That tells me I should have only missed one question out of the 200 points. But more time? How? Where is that to come from?

I actually took some vacation time the week of my finals. I have no intention of answering my phone that week. I work the Friday night prior to my exam week, but then am off of work until the Saturday of the next week. My latest exam is on Tuesday of that week. I was thinking I would pick up some overtime after I am finished with my exams that week, but now I am thinking that I am just going to use those extra days off to relax. To be nice to myself as I wait for my grades. I will have earned it.

Satan's Horns Have Icicles on Them

I am a good student. The day I allow myself to get less than an A is the day Hell freezes over.

Welcome to Hell. Hope you brought your mittens. Blame Chemistry.
I have already been traumatized by the homework software. Everything we submit is online, through this website. It is the most horrible thing. I can have the completely correct answer at my fingertips, and enter it into the little box it provides for your answers. Then there is this little "submit" button that you click and it tells you whether your answer is correct or incorrect. Pretty standard for online homework. Except clicking the little button is kind of the equivalent of pulling the lever on a slot machine. The other day, I entered this big elaborate chemical equation, which was the correct answer by the way. Submit. Answer Incorrect. Then this little purple box pops up and tells you what you did wrong. I entered spaces between the compounds and the plus and yield signs to keep them separate. On another question, the compounds it was asking me about would not react. I entered "No Reaction" in the box. Answer Incorrect. they were looking for noReaction, exactly as it is typed in this sentence.

Needless to say, my homework grades have never been lower. And no amount of preparation can fix it, because it is not about understanding the material. It is about figuring out the little quirks with this software so it counts the answer correct.

(Side note: I love my husband, who just delivered breakfast to me in my office without me even having to ask.)

So I am having trouble with the assignments. So is everyone else in the course, but I don't sweat it. The prof is going to take the best 10 scores at the end of the quarter, and disregard the others. I can do okay enough, I suppose. What is important is that I have absolutely no issues comprehending what is going on material-wise. My brain is right there with him as he lectures. No Sweat. This will allreflect in the exams, whiuch make up the majority of my grade anyway.

So we report for an exam last week. I studied just like I do/ have done for every other bit of college work I have completed. I feel confident. I am not overly anxious. I've got it under control. I put my things away, except for my cute pink calculator, a pencil for the Scantron and a pen for the written short answer section. He hands out the test and I immediately get to work on it.
The beginning questions were kind of difficult. Some words were familiar. But it was like this exam was prepared for a bunch of PhD's. Not for an undergraduate, though upperclassman, molecular bio major. Are you fricken serious? But I hold it together and wade my way through the questions and try to answer them as best I can. I am fully immersed until He starts parading around the room, announcing that we have 30 minutes left.WTF????

Let me just explain something: I take tests in record time. I always have. Usually, I am very well prepared and know the answers without more than a simple recollection. I have been told by classmates that I am at fault for their poor exam performance because I get up and hand my exams in so quickly that it makes them anxious, as in "Andrea is done and she gets good grades so why is it taking me so long-i must be failing." And the lowest exam grade I have ever received was a 95%. Out of all of my college work. I don't get test anxiety. I don't have to study insanely. I just do my thing. Even for my credentialing RT exams. It was supposed to take 8 hours for both exams and I got them both completed in less than an hour and a half. You know I passed those because I am a practicing RT.

So for me to take this long for an exam is unnerving. And this shit is hard. Why is this shit so hard? I am thinking this as I try to answer the questions. I am actually starting to tear up as I see my 4.0 swirling in the toilet bowl in my imagination. This is not good. This is disastrous. Wtf is the carbon-12 atom used to define? It's atomic weight is exact by definition but why? I should know this crap. I cannot be logical when I am about to fail an exam. After I complete the last question, I flee as quick as I can. Marlboro is the only thing to make me feel better after that. I really want some Grey Goose to go along with it, but alas I have a lecture to get through.

Over the week I keep my cool by hoping that this is typical Andrea: That I did better than I thought, that I am being over-critical of myself. But the problem is that I have this philosophy: there are no bad grades that are surprises. Either you know the answers on an exam or you don't. If you don't, then you can expect a bad grade. If you do, then you can expect an A. Simple, really.I did badly. Everyone had horrible scores, so it wasn't just me. In fact, I had the highest grade in the class. I actually got a 55%, while evryone else actually got thess that 50%. Are you fucking serious?????? The only non-A I have ever received in my entire college career, and it isn't even a B. It is such a non-A that it is an F by normal standards (this class is hard and thus has a slightly different grading scale so in the world of UC Chem, it is a D). This isn't a non-A. This is the Anti-A.

I have been so distraught by this grade that I almost asked a resident at work for a script for some Xanies. Seriously. This is enough for me to abandon all hope of ever becoming a physician. I want to scream at the rooftops that I am Andrea-Fucking-Ferguson! That I do not get anything other than A's. Yes, this sounds cocky and arrogant, but facts are facts. I do not even get B's. 4.0. Perfect. That's me. Until now.

I would say it make me feel better to know that evryone else in my class had issues as well. These are some really bright people. This class is designed expressly for science majors. Everyone is pre-med, pre-pharm or something similar. I am not the only one who already has a degree. As a matter af fact, there is a group of about 6 of us who have already completed at least one degree. We are not stupid people. And we all failed. This tells me there was something wrong with the test, not us. But then again, I have never been the type to judge my success or failure by comparison to the performance of others. I know what I can do, and so I have high expectations for myself.

Chemistry is going to break me.

Nothing Changes But the Seasons

Haha!

My first round of exams has been completed for the quarter.
Biology: Big-Time A, even though most in the class failed it. I am officially the curve-breaker once again.
Chemistry: Hmmmf! I failed the damned thing. I am Andrea, dammit! Yet I failed a chem exam. I shouldn't be too hard on myself. Everyone else did as well. Just when I was about to drop the course, I was reassured when I was told that my prof is notorious for "breaking you" in the beginning. The exam was terrible, really. I literally started to tear up a bit in the last part of it. And when I saw my grade? I needed some Ativan. Seriously. The good news is, since everyone did terribly, he has given us the exam back and we are to prepare a "Self-Assessment" to be submitted in the form of short essays for each missed question, to include what the hell we were thinking that caused us to give the wrong answer, and what the correct answer is with the logic that explains why it is the corrct answer. Lots of work. My rough draft of mine is already completed. I just have to neaten it up a bit and submit it, even though it isn't due until the 17th. I guess I just got excited about the idea of earning back my points. It has been my priority over the past couple of days.
Calculus: I am dropping this course tomorrow morning. It is just too difficult for me to stay awake after my shifts to go to this little 50 minute class. I plan to retake it with the same professor next quarter, if I can.

I am still doing th standard 3 twelve-hour shifts on the weekends. Blah. At least tonight is my Friday.

The Word of the Day: Juggling

Busy, busy, busy me.

John and I have this little thing going. There will be a show coming on the tv at night that I want to see. I will be posted up in my office, studying, and he will let me know when it is coming on. He then helps me transfer my pile of books and notebooks into the living room, where I will lay on the floor while he rubs my back and I study while absorbing the show through osmosis. Ivariably, after about an hour, I will tell him that I need a little nap, and will instruct him to wake me after about one hour of sleep. No matter what I say or how much I gruble or what name I call you, WAKE ME UP! I have x, y, and z to get accomplished because this is my only night to do them. DO NOT let me sleep all night. The problem is that once I am asleep, being as sleep-deprived and busy as I am, he cannot get me to wake up. It is like I go into a coma. After several nights of this same thing, he has finally wisened up a bit, and when I say "let me go to sleep for an hour", he responds with "Hell NO!".

The moral of the story is that I have this laundry list of tasks that must be completed and since I snoozed all of those nights, I have to get them done NOW.
But...

Today is my Monday. I work 12's the next three nights. Monday night I have biology and its lab. I literally have to make use of every free hour I have to get this crap done.

As soon as I log off, I plan to study until 2:30-ish. Then I plan to go to sleep for a couple of hours so I can function at work all night. If I wake up by 1:00 Saturday and Sunday, I can get a few more hours in each of those days. Monday will start with the completion of my night at work, followed by calculus and a meeting with my Pre-med advisor. If I hustle, I can get a few more hours in there before I have to head to Biology. If I stay up till 1:ooAM Monday night (normally I would say 2 or 3, but since I would have worked the night before and not slept, I am being nice to myself), I can get more done then. Thank God that my Chem lab is cancelled Tuesday morning. I don't have class until 2 PM as a result, and if I take all of my stuff to campus with a packed lunch, leaving the house at the normal time, I can get most everything else done with no distractions. Or interruptions. Or temptations.

This is what I mean by "juggling".

So I am left with this question for myself: Do I really want to be a doctor? Is it worth it to torture myself like this for many years to come?

The answer, after some thought: a resounding, unwaivering, Earth-shattering YES!

Chickensh*t!

I registered with AMCAS today. AMCAS= American Medical College Application Service, I do believe. And I went to schedule my MCAT. I found a great date, with seats available in Cincinnati. I clicked on the link, and this ominous little window popped up, asking me if I was sure I wanted to reserve the seat. It seemed to be taunting me. I read this: "Are you sure you want to do this?" Then, "Are you sure you can do this?

I closed the windows and left it be.

Hello!

My name is Andrea, and I am a senior at the University of Cincinnati!

Yep, that's right. I said Senior. S-E-N-I-O-R! Ha! I love it.

I got my credit evaluation in the mail Saturday. Apparently, it has been finalized. The initial evaluation, as in the one I got immediately after enrolling, only gave me credit for an English course and a history course. For a whopping total of 9.5 credit hours. Wow! (Dripping with sarcasm right now, of course.)

Well, the one I received Saturday was significantly different. As in 136.5. And I am enrolled in 16 credit hours now. There truly is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Which is good...and bad. Very, very bad. Before you are thinking I am insane for thinking being closer to the end of my undergraduate education is terrible, let me explain a little bit. Well, not a little bit. There are two words to sum it all up for you:

MCAT

Applications


I have not even looked into the med school application process. Well, I have, or I wouldn't have a clue what I am doing. Since I do most definitely have a clue, let me rephrase that: I have only taken a gander at it to ensure that I am on the right track. What I have not done is start the process. And while I have been looking at the MCAT for some time now, I am in no way ready for it. I still have the chemistry and physics to get through, and while I have had some, I have not had the quantity I would like.

So yes, the news is good and bad.

Noooooooooooooo!

I enrolled in my biology course for this coming quarter. (I find the whole quarter system bizarre at a university. It is supposed to be semesters, and the quarters are more expensive: 3 quarters a year as opposed to 2 semesters in a year, and the quarters are as expensive as a semester, and alas you have 3 to pay for. Unfair, but that is neither here nor there...) As you know, I bought my books the other day, and started the beginning ritual I have of studying the first 3 units of a text before the class even starts. I find this gets me prepared for the first lecture, leaves me ahead of the game from the start, so I can continue to study the units ahead of time throughout the course. This way, all I have to do come time for the lecture is pay attention, instead of trying to scribble down everything the instructor is saying. I get more our of the lessons this way, and it is why I have aced every college exam I have ever taken.
But Wait!
There is a problem. Because I am a Bio major, they make me start all over with the bio courses. Okay, I can roll with that. Maybe the courses start at a higher level than normal. Or this will make sure my previously completed bio courses will have me on the same level as the other students who took all of theirs from UC. I can manage this setback, and I am not having to do this for any of the other courses I have previously completed. Okay, so the problem is manageable.
Until I remove the shrinkwrap from the glossy new book and start to read.
Seriously? The first unit is on the relation between chemistry and bio. The next speaks of carbon's realtion to living things. WTF????? We are fricken made of carbon. This is absolutely ridiculous. Between 3 years of high school biology, including a college course in it my senior year, even more college biology as a respiratory student, enough a&p to write a textbook, microbiology, MCAT prep, and more, I think I have this crap covered. This is not cool. This a backpedaling. This is boring.
Yet I have to take this course. I never thought I would actually say that one of the courses for my major would be my fluff course for the semester. Maybe I will get lucky and she will start at the end of the book. Or maybe she will tell me that I bought the wrong book (that would be good, but also bad as I have already unwrapped the $459 tome.) I am disappointed. Where is the meat? The challenge I have been waiting for? Is it going to be like this for the rest of the duration? Molecular Bio is not supposed to be a cakewalk, I don't think. Should I change my major to chemistry? If I am going to have to go backwards and review anything, it should be chemistry. I barely got my A in that.
Too late. I will have to chalk this up to a review. If anything, the Biological Sciences section of my MCAT should have a perfect score....

The To-Do List, $1200, and Taking the Bait

Yay! IAMOFFWORKTODAY! I have not had a day off since before Christmas!

Of course there is a myriad of things to accomplish today. The first on the list is to get my husband to wake up and move my car. For the past 2 days, there has been a sign on the street that there was to be no parking on the street that runs alongside the house because the city is conducting some sort of leaf removal. Ahh, city life! Why do I have to wake him up? I cannot parallel park very well, and I do not want to conduct an experiment in my newish car.

Next is the lovely task of securing a decal for my car, enabling me to park at the university. Apparently, you must have one for each campus you visit for classes. For me, there are two. I could've done this the other day, but the school had to make my life difficult. I could get them all from one campus, but no! If I go to the Clifton campus (home of calculus, biology, etc. for me) it is $150 per quarter to park my car. If I go to the Blue Ash campus (Site of History and chemistry), the parking decal is free with proof of enrollment, and all I have to do is show them my schedule of classes in Clifton, and they will give me a sticker for that campus as well. Free. SCORE!

Unfortunately, this is the only thing associated with my pre-med BS that is free. I next head to the bookstore to buy my books for the classes that will start in 4 days. Keep in mind that I just finished my respiratory degree in 2006. I had a 4.0 GPA, and thus people were willing to give me large sums of money to pay for everything. The small college I attended allowed us to charge bookstore items to our financial aid, so really, all I had to do to get everything I wanted (textbooks, school supplies, college sweats, bookbags, and even novels) was to sign my name on the line. I am sure I have spent 1000's of dollars each semster, but it wasn't like it was my money. Other than that, the last time I bough textbooks was as a freshman at Ball State in 1995. I took $500 in cash, along with my debit card in case I went over alittle bit. I only have 4 courses, and figured that if I buy used, I should have more than enough. I hand the man my schedule and tell him I need these books. He starts grabbing them off the shelves, and I pay no attention to the prices of each. I mean, I have to have them, right? We get to the register, and he starts ringing everything up. I am still not paying attention, as Evan is cruising the snack aisle, looking for junkfood after I told him he could pick out a snack. I am more worried about hurrying him up. Then I hear something that makes me pay attention: "That will be $998 please." Huh? Excuse me? I have more than that in my bank account, plus the $500 cash. I could cover it, but I had plans for the money. Bills to pay. Groceries to buy. Wtf? I had to call my bank. I was pissed. I got ahold of the VP of lending at my bank, the same lady who gave me my car loan. I told her the situation, and she replied that it would take her time to get me approved for a loan, that it was New Year's Eve and they were closing at noon, not to reopen until Friday. Could she do it then? That would mean the money would be in my account Friday night. No good. Classes start on Monday, I am working almost everyday, and the bookstore will also be closed over the weekend. She tells me to let her see what she can do and she will call me back. God bless her. I have no idea what she did, but within 20 minutes, she called me back to tell me that not only was I approved for the loan, but that the money was already in my checkjing so I just had to use my debit card to pay for anything I needed at the bookstore. All I had to do was go to the bank before noon to sign the paper for the loan. By the time I bought all of the books, then headed to Staples for all of my supplies (including a $200 calculator required for my calculus course), I had spent over $1200. Why did I do this to myself? I am a grown woman with a family and an established career. I don't need to go back to school. But then I remind myself: Dr. Ferguson.

What is next on the agenda? Well, I will give you a hint: John fed Evan mac and cheese for dinner last night. Yes, I must get groceries. This is the task of which I am most frightened. I found this video of a commercial, and I will show it to you, because it sums up exactly why I hate the grocery store!

Best Comercial - watch more funny videos

I splurged on something for myself for my B-day: I bought myself the 4-book Twilight series. Apparently there is this craze over it, so I was reluctant to even try it. I usually try to keep away from those. But then I saw a coworker reading one of the books at work. The whole series was apparently marketed for young adults, and thus was too young for me older self, but then I remembered that Harry Potter was originally for children. So I snagged myself of some copies of the books and started to read the first one on Thursday, between the end of my 12-hour shift and the beginning of my 4-hour shift later that night. I found that I actually am very into the story, and could not wait to get home from work later that night to continue reading. Now, I am almost finished with the first book. Very interesting.

But What About My MCAT?????

Wow! I apparently have a lot to say if the number of the day's posts is any evidence! I guess this is what happens when I am away from my computer for long periods of time and am actually productive! But.....

I am supposed to be working on this! I have slacked off in a major way recently. Now I have a couple of much-deserved days off of work, and there are so many things I need to do that I am having a hard time hitting the books. If I keep to the plan, I should be taking this exam very soon. Must.....study.....now!