The Tooth, Troops, and the Principal

It has been a crazy day here in this house. It all started with John. He woke of with a face that was swollen beyond fathom. He was drooling a little bit, also. Apparenly, he has a disordered tooth, but we had no dentist. So after a few phone calls, he was in the car and on the way to get the problem diagnosed. What I did not expect was for him to return with a treatment plan and estimate of over $800. But we have insurance! What is this about? Well, he has to have a root canal, and a crown, and that is the portion insurance will not pay. I called and took care of the arrangements. I was not pleased when she labeled me the "responsible party". Blah! Adulthood is not fun, children. I got the most expensive insurance plan at work with the highest rate of coverage because we are sure that my son will need orthodontia in the future. I had no idea my husband would be so expensive as well.

Then, while cruising one of my favorite websites, I found something that broke my heart. It would seem that there are 4 Marines that we know of who have received nothing from home since being deployed to Iraq. Excuse me? No "I Love You" letter? No "Come Home Safely" letter? Well, I took care of it. I sent them all letters through Moto Mail. I will work on care packages while off work this week.

Now for the principal. It would seem that my son got sent to the office for the second time this week. I do not know what to do with him. He cannot fathom that school is not playtime, and keeps talking to his friends. Grrrr.

A Goodbye Post

So much has happened. A brain tumor resulting a lost job and a lot of turmoil. Financial ruin. 3 crashed computers. And we almost lost it all.

So what happened to me? Why did I disappear?
Well, after the 3rd crash, I could not get a new system due to financial resources. I applied for every job I could and got the same response." Why should we hire you? You got fired from the only RT job you have had?" Because my employer broke labor laws by kicking me while I was down and terminated me while on FMLA for a brain tumor? Nope, not good enough.
I was just about to give up. As a matter of fact, I had started to call temp agencies and see if they had any clerical positions available in the area. Anything for money. We were on the brink of losing everything. Then I just made a call to a hospital I knew about from living in Greater Cincinnati. I asked if they were hiring and they said yes, that they desperately needed therapists. I didn't even fill out an application or send a resume. I did those things after my interview. A week later, I was not only employed, but employed at a better facility with a more challenging environment.
Now? I love my job. I have just completed the six weeks of departmental orientation they make clinical personnel complete to ensure I know what I am doing. Professional respect is automatic because of the credentials I carry. It is a difference like night and day.
I just purchased a new computer and a new SUV. A Dell with enough memory that I do not need to worry about crashes, and a Ford Explorer, respectively.
What is going on with my husband? Well that is a long story. He never did hear the results of the waiver for reenlistment into the Army. The recruiter dropped the ball, and when John, after months of no results, finally went over his head, the recruiter got upset and stopped working on it for him.
Evan? Well, the kid just started 1st grade. He is doing wonderfully with the academic nature of the work. He had outgrown crayon drawings and baby books a long time ago. Each paper he brings home, from math to English, to spelling, are all perfect. He is still my pride and joy, my soft spot, my biggest downfall, and the source of those white hairs that keep popping up on my head.

And we are moving. From the time John and I left Cincinnati, in 2000, I have wanted to go back. It's home. It will always be home. We've lived in Southern Kentucky, and we have lived in Southeastern, Indiana. I have given each of those places my all. But they are not where I belong. And John and Evan...well, they belong with me. For the first time in a long time, I am at a place where I have the ability to go back home. I was afraid to try it before. John and I know that city life can be cruel. If something were to happen and we were to need help, there is no place to turn. But we have been battered and bruised by the other places we have been, also. And we made it through. Together, without anyone else. So we are going to go back to Cincinnati, together. This time around I have an awesome job, and things will be different. I want to see the city lights reflecting in my son's eyes. I want him to grow up with museums, zoos, libraries at his fingertips, and cultural diversity all around him. I want the place that has been a part of me all of my life to become a part of who he is also.

So why is this goodbye? When I started Constant Upheaval, it was my way to cope with the idea of my husband going back to the military after being married all of these years. This was my way to vent and speak about what was going on in my life without my words, views, and emotions influencing the decisions John had to make for himself. I no longer need that outlet. Is the military out of our life for good? Never. First of all, the Marine in John is as much a part of him as Cincinnati is of me. I can do away with that no more than the fact that he is a little older than me or that he has brown eyes. And I am so proud of him. Of all of the work he put into reenlistment. I have never seen him work so hard since the first time I laid eyes on him 8 years ago. And I have new respect for his status as a veteran. My husband served his country, and served her very well.
I also have more respect for the military families out there. I can honestly say that through the involvement with various support websites, I got a glimpse into the life of a wife of a service member. I just did so with my husband by my side. I will never do these women the disservice of saying that I know what it is like to wonder if your loved one is even alive while thousands of miles away in a war zone. I didn't live through that. That experience is their way of serving their country. But I did worry about John's future safety, knowing he was making a career choice that could result in his death. These men and women of our Armed Forces will forever be in my hearts. They have truly been the most amazing people I have met.
There may come a day when I am a service member myself. Before John said the words, "Andi, I want back in. I want to do my part in this war.", I was toying with the idea of a commission in the Navy to be a physician. There are some very impressive programs out there that are hard to pass up. But I also have opportunities to do that as a civilian. So when John told me what his goal was, I gladly stepped away from that so he could go after what he wanted. Now, I have the ability to do it again, and I just might. This would be off in the distance. I have to get myself in shape, take my MCAT and finish my biochemistry degree first. Would I want to do it? Yes, now more than ever. I have met the families of our military, and I can think of nothing more noble than taking care of these men and women.

I never did know if I had any readers here on Constant Upheaval. Whne the new computer was set up in the house, I was eager to get back to blogging, but it had been so long that I had forgotten my email and password I used to set up the account. On the old computers, it was set to automatically sign me in when I told it to. I thought my blog was lost forever, and so I started a new blog. Then I remembered the password, but the new blog was already in the works. Which one should I keep and which one should I close? I had a dilemma. But then I thought about it. Constant Upheaval is set up as a milblog. It just did not seem appropriate to continue now that John is not reenlisting. Plus, with the changes in my life, it seemed more fitting to start anew. If, and I mean a big IF, I have any readers or followers, the new blog is called Bending and Not Breaking, and I hope to see you there.
Otherwise... Goodbye, Friend.

More News

John's waiver was submitted, but we spoke to the recruiter yesterday about getting less specific documentation to ensure it will go through. She also said it will be "highly likely" that he will get the 64W MOS. Combat Medic. He really wanted to do x-ray, but she said it isn't likely with his prior service status. He is sort of disappointed about that, but other than that, things are looking pretty good for him right now. I am starting to adapt to the idea, but I am still having episodes where I am worried and very, very sad. We are starting to plan our lives around the idea that he will be active duty before long. The good thing is that 68W will be a significantly longer AIT than just infantry. This will be six weeks and 6 months, back to back.Much, much better than just a few weeks. It will give me a better chance to adapt to the lifestyle a little bit. And get used to him being away, though I do not expect it to be the same as it would be if he were in a combat zone for a year.

Code Moron

What's the Difference?

Last night a friend and I were discussing the differences in the Army and the Marine Corps that may give John difficulty when adjusting. We could not help but laugh at some of them. A few could get John into trouble. The Marine Corps does not salute indoors, and the Army does. He is going to have to recondition himself on that one. I am willing to bet he will piss off a few officers before it sinks in and becomes second nature.

But the uniforms....no boot bands and bloused trouser legs, no cover block, and no rolled sleeves. I can see John now trying to do this with his ACU's.

Anyone who has never had the pleasure of knowing a Marine will not appreciate the comedy in all of this. They are purists, and view the Corps as the representation of all that is elite, disciplined. Name tags on uniforms? No way. They are "professionals". Patches on combat uniforms? What for? And what in the hell is up with that beret? I can almost see the look of disdain on John's face when he is told to wear it.

I am saying none of this to insult the Army. But the Marine Corps is a big, bad Boys' Club with their own set of standards. I swear they must check the testosterone levels of all recruits before allowing them to attempt to enlist. And my husband is a member. Some friends have equated the military to high school athletics. The Air Force is the Freshman team, the Army is Junior Varsity, and the Marine Corps is, of course, Varsity. "Where does this leave the Navy?", I asked.

"They are the cheerleaders!"

So what is my civilian take on all of this? Quite simply, we have different branches of the Armed Forces for a reason. Each does their job. Each is composed of our American brothers and sisters fighting so we do not have to. Each suffers the loss of the other. They are all brothers.

It's just that the Corps has a far-better swagger.

Losing Steam?

Lately John has been more and more difficult to motivate. No PT. Or very rarely. For the most part he sits on the sofa, watching movies. He is pretty much eating whatever he wants, and this worries me. I am by no means a shining example of physical fitness or proper nutrition for weight loss. But I am also not the one aiming for reentry to the military. I am afraid. I am afriad that he will e shipped to Iraq or Afghanistan, into a combat situation, and will not have the physical bearing to be able to keep up. He has gained a portion of the weight back that he had initially lost. I'm not quite sure how to get him motivated. Quite honestly, I should not have to. He should be doing this on his own.

Stop-Loss

With my husband pursuing entering the Army, we wanted to see this film. I didn't originally think this vey prudent. I am prone to tears as of late, and visual imagery of patriotism and/or war seem to compound this. The day is rapidly approaching when I will no longer be just an observer. This will ultimately impact my life grossly.
Unable to obtain a babysitter, we watched the film online (is it illegal to watch or just to upload???) Just John and I cuddled up with the laptop. I must say the film would most definitely be enjoyable for someone not potentially affected by the actual policy. It was enjoyable if I detached myself from the current circumstances of my life. I cried a little, especially at the imagery of a military funeral. But is it because of the moving moment of the film, or just simply that military funerals have always done this to me, long before I married a veteran or that same veteran I married decided he wanted to reenlist?
And okay, I must admit, the guys in the film were HOT. You got me there!
But I have to say it: Stop-Loss pissed me off.
At the risk of not sounding politically correct or in-tune with our men and women in uniform, I am sticking with that statement. It seems tawdry to go to a theater on a date and buy your popcorn and Sno-Caps and sit and watch the plight of our troops on the big screen like it is there for our amusement, first of all. Yet recently watching Lions for Lambs on dvd did not have this effect on me. It may be because L for L prompted healthy discussion and political debate here in my house.
I felt bad that I had this reaction to Stop-loss, so I started doing some internet research on the policy. I was sort of hoping to find some obscure fact about the practice that I had not before become aware. I didn't.
I believe that the film did bring some things to light that desperately needed to be. Primarily the PTSD that is plaguing our men as they return from war. And that stop loss is real. But in the film, all of the men returning are suffering from it. I know the statistics of PTSD are staggering, but not all-encompassing. And is the reaction of the average Soldier returning from Iraq to go AWOL??? The film made this look so easy. You just find someone to help you with fake IDs and cross a border. When the main character was standing at the Mexican border, I was hoping he did not cross it. Of course the film didn't load correctlly on the computer, and it stopped at this point, so I originally didn't get to see the real ending and was really pissed off. I just thought that would portray these men as cowardly, and send the wrong message to the troops.
So what is my reaction to the actual practice of Stop-Loss? Yes, it sucks. But almost everyone realizes when you sign a contract to serve, you are actually committing to several years after your active service ends known as Inactive Ready Reserves. John was IRR when the war in Iraq started. During this time, you can be called back to active service. Its just a part of military service. Would it really be better to reach the end of an active service term and return to civilian life only to be called back again? Yet there isn't any controversy over troops being recalled to active duty from IRR.
This leads me to a familiar topic: Read that contract you sign, people! You cannot expect to recieve money for college, pay, medical benefits, reenlistment/ enlistment bonuses, room and board, etc, without catches and loopholes. If you can live with the loopholes, like John can, sign the papers. If not, walk away. I read in an article while doing some online reading on the issue the following quote:
"....In the event of war, my enlistment in the Armed Forces continues until sixth month after the war ends, unless my enlistment is ended sooner by the President of the United States..." Well, doesn't that about sum it up? We are in war. Two of them simultaneously, to be exact. If you signed the papers, you signed the papers. I'm sorry for them and their families. My family will be among them soon. But we are doing so with the knowledge that this could very well happen to John.
Two National Guardsmen sued over this, and it was shot down. They said their recruiters deceived them by not telling them about stop-loss. I did not know a recruiter was responsible for knowing every tiny detail about everything related to the military. That is why the contract is printed. They should have read it more carefully. I am glad a judge shot their claim down.
We are at war. We need troops, and the Army is under-performing in the task of getting new bodies to enlist. Its either stop-loss or a draft in order to keep the man-power needed to do the job. At least stop-loss is utilizing troops who are already committed and volunteered.

4,039

http://icasualties.org/oif/

When I tell people of my husband's intention to reenlist recently, I have heard comments of such ridiculous nature about how things are safe now. In no way is Operation Iraqi Freedom "safe". There are now 4,039 American families who will never be the same because of this war. Please do not get me wrong: this is not an anti-war statement. I won't even speak on that subject, and you can take from this what you wil. Where does my concern rest? That these are my American brothers and sisters over there fighting this war. Whether we should be over there or not does not change this fact in my mind. These families affected are like mine in that at one point, their loved one said "I am going to risk my life to defend this country". They send their loved one off to war, assuming he or she will return many months later. As I write this, and I anticipate what it will be like to watch John leave, I also in some part of my brain envision what his homecoming will be like. These families were robbed of that by some guerilla with the notion he is defending all that is holy. I hope they find peace with all they lost. I, as a civilian, am so grateful for that sacrifice. I cannot find the words for more eloquent a statement. There are none.

Slow Starter

I have had this book for ages. I have heard all of these reviews that the book was so awesome, but everytime I would sit down and attempt to read it, I would get bored with the first chapter, and never finish.
Well, I finally forced myself to push through my initial boredom and finish the book. I only had to push so far when I fell into it. The author, Hosseini, truly has a gift, and the story was very moving.
Up until I read the book, I had a vague idea about the turmoil that has been plaguing Afghanistan. After reading the story, I had this thirst for more information, and it prompted me to do some digging on Shi'a and Sunni muslims. And I am more against the Taliban than I was before. I used to just think "Yeah, they are the $%^& 's behind 9/11." And so, as an American, I wanted us to hit them hard. But now more than ever, I have a renewed sense of the purpose behind Operation Enduring Freedom. We truly should be there. I still am not sure about Iraq, but Afghanistan? Definitely.
So if you have not read The Kite Runner, do so immediately. I rank it up there with The Namesake and The Time Traveler's Wife as one of the greatest books I have read.

Just a Bad Dream?

I had a nightmare as I was laying on the couch trying to take a nap to get ready for work tonight. I don't remember all of the details, but I remember John was being deployed to Afghanistan. He hugged me and walked away from me, stepping through these big double doors. Once inside, right over the threshold, he turned and made eye contact with me as the doors slid shut. I do remember tha panic I felt. I ran to the door, banging at the center where they closed, screaming for him to come back, to not leave me. I woke up crying.
John hugged me and asked why I was crying. I told him. His response was that it is going to happen. When this didn't help any, he just smiled and held me tighter, saying "But I will be right back to you!"
I am so scared for us.

To My Husband on New Year's 2008

I always, in my mind, reflect on the previous year's experiences on New Year's Eve. And we sure have had some memories, haven't we? And as the struggles come our way time and time again, and others ponder why I manage to stick it out, I cannot seem to put it into words.
But tonight is the night I live for. The chance for us to have a fresh start, remembering the lessons that we have learned as the old year unfolded before our eyes.
This year is difficult. It is hard to say if it is more difficult than it has been on previous New Years. I have no idea how 2008 will unfold. I do not know if you will be permitted to reenlist. I do not know if and when the day will come when we will have to say goodbye temporarily as you place yourself in harm's way. I cannot say with certainty that you will be here on the earth next year. But I can hope, and I can certainly pray.
I do not remember the exact point in time that your eyes began to crinkle when you smile. I wish I did. That I had memeorized every single moment in this life we have been blessed with together. I just know that as each year passes, we grow and change just a little.Sometimes, when time changes people, they find they are no longer compatible with each other. They look at each other and say "You have become someone I do not know." I will never say that to you. I can honestly say that I love you now as the time weathers you, even more than I did on the day we married.
I hope that 2008 will keep you safe. That wherever you may be throughout the year, whether it be home with me, or on sands of Iraq, that you know just how loved you are. That no matter what changes continue to come our way, this will never change. I will be here, by your side, even if it is miles away, full of blind faith in the man I have decided to spend my life with. While you have the power to disappoint me like no other, know that this is simply because I hold you with such high regard. That whether you are working in a factory somewhere or whether you are off defending all we Americans hold dear, you always have and always will be my hero. That you complete me in a way I will never be able to complete on my own.
I love you, John. Maybe, just maybe, this year will bring more smiles than hardship. That is all we can hope for, after all.

Idiots are Everywhere!

Have I ever mentioned how appalled I am by stupidity? Tonight, John and I were watchibng some documentary on the War, and my heart was breaking for these guys who were telling their stories about how they were treated like heroes for their service, when inside they felt like monsters. I am worried about John going off to war, and that fear is based on the physical danger he will face. But underneath that fear is the fear that my husband will come back as somebody different, that he will be in emotional pieces that may not fit together so well after all is said and done.

So anyhow... We are watching this show, and these guys are telling these heart-wrenching accounts of what happened and the horrors of war, then they cut to this dumb kid who told about how he was promised that, if he joined the National Guard, he would stay stateside. Excuse me? Huh? We are at WAR, son! Do these people not realize that a recruiter's prime job is to sign up fresh meat? Did he not realize that he was signing up for the ARMY National Guard? Anyone with any lick of sense would see through the promise. Was it in a contract? I bet not.

Then there was this chick, crying about how she signed up for college monies. She never dreamed she would be sent to war. Heaven forbid she had to actually EARN the money for college. Did she really believe that she would be handed an education for nothing in return? Did her mother, unlike my mother, not teach her that nothing in life is free? That you don't get something for nothing? She was probably better suited to a scholarship program or federal student aid. After all, if you want college money, they will give you that, and you do not have to ship off or withstand gunfire to do it.

Then, there was this overall feeling of disdain for the military, about how they train "killers". They focused a lot on Marine Corps boot camp. Cut to a young recruit taking a bayonet to a dummy, chanting "KILL!" with each jab. How violent! How brutal! The veterans were talking about how they were trained to kill, to stare the enemy down and simply react, like a machine. They were complaining, and the whole time, I was thinking "Do you not realize that the training you received is probably why you are able to complain about it to a camera?" You signed up for the ARMED Forces of the U.S. Did you think you were going to go over there and hand out pamphlets? One has to wonder what the hell these kids were thinking they were getting into. When, not if, my husband goes over there, I actually want him to be a "killing machine", as they put it. This means he is likely to come back intact, physically and emotionally. He will be better able to do the job asked of him. And yes, it sucks that women and children get caught in the crossfire. They were telling about how a woman was approaching a humvee, and they had weapons drawn, telling her to stop, and waving emphatically. She didn't stop, and they had to shoot her. Afterwards, on her person, they found a white flag. Sad, but sorry to say, she was stupid. These men are in a place where the people who are the biggest threat blend in with the civilians. They could have a bomb rigged to themselves and all they have to do to take out many of our men is get near enough that the detonation of whatever they have on them will hit these guys. So if you are trying to surrender, and they have their weapons drawn and are telling you to stop, wouldn't you stop? Wouldn't you ensure that they knew you had no malicious intent? Dumb.....dumb, dumb, dumb. Now our men are in pieces because they had to take the moron out.

I am a normal and sane person, and I hate to see any innocent person hurt. But I do not expect our men to put themselves in danger because of someone's gender or age. Does anyone really believe that, should these people come over and start something on our homeland, that they would have any regard to whether I was a civilian or female? Hell no they wouldn't! And our guys are in a place where an empty Coke can on the side of the road in a ditch may be a bomb! Where the enemy may be driving alongside them in a car rigged to explode and kill them. There was a clip on You Tube showing our guys driving through Iraq in a humvee and they were in traffic. Instead of sitting in traffic, they nudged the bumper of each car that was in front of them, so the car would move and let them pass. The users were making comments about how asshole-ish this was, that it is no wonder that Americans are hated. My response to that is that I hope to hell they would NOT sit in traffic and wait for the asshole next to them to explode himself in his car. These hippie tree-hugging morons want the guys to be sitting ducks, awaiting their deaths.

So anyhow, I got pissed off in a serious way, as you can tell. I don't really get into the politics of any of it. All I need to know is that my people are over there, in harms way, and I am the girl who roots for the home team, so to speak. If the powers that be say to come home, they will, and if they say send more in, they will. The way I see it, my job, as an American is to say I do not care, but that I am in support of my brothers and sisters. But I do believe that all of this crap is putting even more spin on an issue that is already about to spiral out of control. And before people let themselves be influenced by the things being said, like how these kids were fooled, they need to stop and think about it. I am sure there are some legitimate complaints about this war and the treatment of our men and women that are returning from combat, but these idiotic non-issues are not them.

The Conversation

On My Watch Tonight

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Finally, a real conversation regarding this decision John is making. It went like this:

"John, you have to promise me that nothing is going to happen to you over there. my life cannot take any more tragedy. I will end up in a mental institution."

"Then maybe I shouldn't go, because you know I cannot make that promise if I go off to war."

"But you don't understand what I am saying to you. You need to do this for YOU, not me or Evan. We are tough and resilient. I don't want you to do it for us, for the same reason I don't want you to NOT do it because of us. This is about you, and whatever you do, I will support 100%. I just need to know what you want so I know. What do you want?"

"Oooorah."

Just like that. Total absence of doubt. Fire in his eyes. He knows.