Saturday, September 22, 2007

20 Questions With No Answers

Are we ever certain of the choices we make, or those our loved ones make, for that matter? I am so unsure what is going to happen to my family right now.I am worried for all of us: Me, John, Evan.So here you have it. My list of questions right now, some of which do not have answers. My open wondering and pondering. My doubts, plainly put, for all to see.
Will my husband, the love of my life, the father of my son, my best friend be okay?
Will he be safe?
Will he be in Iraq or Afghanistan, or will this whole process take so long that he may be in Korea?
Is he doing this for the right reasons?
If anything happens to him, will I be able to live with the fact that I did not stop him?
How will I cope with him being absent for months or even a year at a time?
Better yet, will I be able to cope at all, let alone succeed in medical school when my husband is halfway around the world?
Exactly how long will I have to go without hearing even the sound of his voice?
How long, while deployed, will his scent linger on the pillow on which he sleeps?
Will I be able to do something as simple as pulling something to wear out of the closet without seeing his clothes and breaking down?
Will my son, a complete Daddy's Boy, be able to adapt to all of this?
If something were to happen to him, would Evan know how truly wonderful his father is?
Will I be all alone on a military base, with no one to turn to other than a young child with whom I cannot discuss anything?
Will letters be enough?
How will he remember how much we love him if we can't tell him or show it everyday?
How many birthdays, christmases, anniversaries, thankgsgivings will he miss?
How much time do I have left with John before he leaves?
After he leaves, how long do I have to wait for his return?
How can he be so happy about leaving us?
Will we make it through this?

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