Saturday, November 15, 2008

What I Should Have Been Doing All Along???

Okay, just hear me out. John and I have not had an easy row to hoe since we got married in 2000. Things just do not go right for us. We are always fighting against the grain. (Let's see how many cheesy cliches I can use in this post!) Some of the struggle has been the direct result of some really unfortunate events. Some of it, because I am an adult and not above admitting this, were the result of our own poor choices. But regardless of the precipitating factors, we have had a struggle. And we have fought and fought and fought. And some of it has been recent, as recent as this past summer.

So we decide that we need to move closer to my work, which just happens to be in my hometown. We tell ourselves that we are going to take our time and find a place that is right for us. We realize it will be difficult. The events of our lives have left our collective credit in a pretty crappy state, and all of these rental properties will look at credit.

We find this place that sounds great by description over the telephone, so we take a day to go and see it. It is not great. It is a dup of such proportions that we do not even pause as we are driving by. We merely look at each other and say a resounding "No!" in unison. We get turned around on a one-way street, and we see it. An old mansion, like I love, that has been converted into rental units. John reads the phone number off of the "For Rent" sign in the front yard, and I hastily jot it down. We go to a nearby friend's house and we call.

It sounds perfect. Huge rooms, hardwood floors, fireplaces. Completely remodeled kitchen and bathroom. And rent cheaper than we are paying here in Indiana. So I explain that we have some issues with credit, but I have a great job and great ability to pay. I explain that I am in the process of completing the requirements for med school, that we need to be closer. He says he is not concerned with credit, so long as we are good people and can afford the property. We make arrangements to meet, and John and I love the old house. It is in a historic district near downtown, on a street filled with character that you cannot find in any modern neighborhood. We can see ourselves there.

I contact my employer, and they agree to cover my relocation. I call the utility people and the phone people, and no one needs deposits or anything. We tell the landlord that we would like to move in around December 1, but he had other plans and would like to rent it sooner than that. He says he needs to speak with his wife, and he will call back. An hour later, we get the word that they would really like to rent to us, that they would rather wait for us to be ready to move than to rent to one of the others that have shown interest in the property.

We are about 2 weeks away from D-Day. It is all falling into place. I have the new number, have signed the lease. The relocation company has called and we are sure that we can arrange the move without me even missing a beat at work. John took one afternoon and went and applied for jobs at any place he thought he would be qualified to work, and within the week, he already has had some bites. This is way more than he has accomplished within 2 years in Indiana. We met with the administration of a private school for Evan, and within 2 minutes of the conversation's start, they said what I have been wanting the school he attends now, the people who have known him for 2 years, to say all along. "It sounds like he really needs some extensive testing before we place him in a grade level." And should they not deem it appropriate to place him in second grade, to skip him to the next level, the classes are very small and they insist that they can give him more advanced work in the areas in which he needs a challenge.

So what am I getting at with all of this? For the first time in a long time, it is all falling into place for us. I'm not even going to have to pack. Hired men will do that for me. And it all makes me wonder.

The pessimist in me wonders what is gonna happen to wreck this. Things just do not go this easily for my family. But the other part of me, the one who believes everything happens for a reason, is left to look for the hidden meaning in all of this.

I left my hometown in 2001. I remember the tears as I watched Cincinnati disappear through the passenger side window of a U-Haul. I was scared, and I felt this sense of dread, even though I truly thought I was doing what was best at the time. Time marched on and we stayed gone for a long time. We would come up to Cincy and spend long weekends during those years. We would spend our visit doing things tourists normally don't do. Instead of visiting aquariums and zoos and amusement parks, we spent our time visiting our favorite stores and restauraunts. We would get our fix of home, then go back to our residence in Kentucky or Indiana or wherever we were at the time. And everytime I left, I felt like I was leaving the city all over again.

When I graduated from college,and I started to look for work, I loked up here. When I got an offer from a hospital in Southeastern Indiana, I figured that would be close enough. But Indiana has not felt right to us. We would still go to Cincinnati to do things like shop or go out to eat. And we would cross the Brent Spence bridge, where you can see the skyline with such clarity, and I would feel that tug on my heart: This is home. This is where you always will and always have belonged. Where people think like you and talk like you, while still being so different.

So are things going so easily for us because this is what I should have been doing all along? For the past 7 years? Because this will be the place where John and I can be a normal couple again? Because this is the place that has everything I could possibly need to live my life and achieve my dream? I cannot help but feel as if someone is trying to tell me something.

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