Monday, November 3, 2008

Baby Steps Toward My Dream

I started the process today. I completed my online application to the University of Cincinnati, arranged for my official transcripts to be sent for my transfer, and am working on the financial documents as we speak.

I am petrified. It seemed almost surreal as my mouse pointer hovered over the blank space on the application for admission where I was to indicate my career objective. P-H-Y-S-I-C-I-A-N. As I typed out the letters associated with my lifelong dream, a montage played through my head. Mom telling me all those years ago that "Medical school is for the rich, Andi". The choice I made an age ago to major in music instead of Biology, based on my love for music. Years and years of wondering if I was wasting my life and my abilities. The day I surrendered my higher education when my mother died. Going back to school after all of those years away,only to complete my respiratory education with such ease that I knew, just knew, that I could be doing more. Tearing up after a conversation with the Dean of Admissions for UC's College of Medicine, when he told me I was the perfect candidate for med school. And the struggles...all of the strugglees John and I have faced together. This is my dream, not only for my career, but it is also my way away from all of it.

It all seems so scary to me right now. When I had to select my major, I sat there staring at the "Molecular Biology" link. It seemed to taunt me, as if to say "You think you can??? I dare you to try."

Before you think I have crossed that line, that I am going insane, let me say that I know the link was saying nothing more than "Molecular Biology". But clicking on it, adding it to my application, and then finalizing the app was the scary part. The little ominous window popped up to let me know that that was the point of no return.

I want this more than anything. Every fiber of my personality screams "Medicine". If I could not go to medical school, I do not know what I would do. I cannot see myself doing anything else. I can't even see doing what I currently do for the rest of my life.

So here we go.

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